Don't chat too much with the 'new guy' before the first date.
Why? Because chatting, texting, emailing, and Instagram stalking lead to one thing that can only hurt you on your first date. Expectations.
Alot of people say to me - but what if he's a creeper? You should message for a while to get to know him.
First: if he's a creeper, he's not going to tell me over an email.
Second: I do pre-screen! I check out profiles, and messages and send a FEW back and forth. I usually have a decent idea that they are safe enough for me to meet in real life.
Third: If he does turn out to be a creepy dude, I have to sit through one drink at the maximum. At a well lit establishment. He isn't picking me up at my front door!!
And what is so wrong with having expectations?
Let me tell you -- EVERYTHING.
And its the most difficult thing to avoid.
Trying to manage your expectations is the KEY to online dating. If you can go into a date with the idea in mind that your headed to a simple evening of beers and conversation with nothing at stake...then you're golden. The more you talk to someone, and develop an idea in your head about who they are and what they are all about.... the tougher that becomes.
But we continued texting and chatting.... He asked me about what celebrity or movie star would best represent me. This is a DANGEROUS QUESTION. DON'T ASK IT. I said that my friends often compare me to Jess from New Girl, played by Zooey Deschanel, which is true. I have big geeky glasses, wavy dark hair and I can't help but sing to every song that comes on the radio. I can be cheesy and annoying.
Of course I asked the same question in return. He answered Paul Rudd.
I LOVE PAUL RUDD. He's funny, he's cute, he could be the father of my future children.
I couldn't help but be excited to meet this guy. We made plans to go out, and they were above and beyond the usual 'beers at a pub' that I usually prefer. We made plans to meet for an actual dinner at Pizzeria Libretto on the Danforth and drinks at The Only Cafe afterwards. I walked up to Libretto with a stomach full of butterflies. And then I saw him, patiently waiting at the entrance, nervously checking his phone. And instantly I knew...This wasn't going to work. Paul Rudd was actually Paul Dudd. (See? Terrible, cheesy humor)
There was nothing wrong with him, he looked like his pictures; a hipster-ish dude in a cardigan. I love geek-chic and tend to dress that way myself. This guy didn't have the necessary swagger and looked more like Mr.Rogers than Joseph Gorden Levitt (sigh).
We went for dinner, and I tried to find the chemistry; the connection that I had felt through our earlier conversations. It just wasn't there. And then he insisted on paying for dinner. And drinks. We had decent conversation and a shared love for all things Game of Thrones. I felt like we could be friends...
When he asked for a second date and I said that I'd be happy to hang out in a non-romantic type of way. He never messaged me back. And then I felt terrible.
And so from then on I gave myself the #1 Rule of quick and dirty beers for first dates and as close to zero expectations as possible. This has resulted in a lot more first dates! Lots of beer and some very interesting conversations. There still haven't been a lot of second dates; but I feel more confident managing my expectations. (And their expectations; I know I'm not Zooey and I don't want people to think I am!)
And I've stuck to that rule pretty closely for a good year.
And for the past three weeks I've been breaking it.
Talking, Chatting, Phone calls and Instagram Stalking.... a dude that has been out of town for a few months working on contract and is coming home in a week...
And managing my expectations is impossible.
Am I setting myself up for another Lunch Bag Letdown?
I guess in a few days I'll find out.....
